Happier New Year

Well, it's a new year all right. Happy? I am and I'm glad that I'm happy. This year, Kayrin starts kindy for real. She's had two false starts..last year, when she was not-yet-four, we sent her to Krista across the road. It lasted for all but a few days. And it cost daddy more than 500 ringgit.
In 2004, I signed her up for Siglap CC's nursery classes. That lasted for just about a week too. Wasn't too expensive but can't recall how much now. Then later that year, we sent her to Gymboree at Siglap, for Saturday morning. That ended with her crying throughout. Now I know why I'm anxious and nervous about this school term! I'm off tomorrow and day after to take her to school. Pray that I make it through this all right!
Another reason to be happy is that SF and I are going through a tough time, health-related, but we seem to be sticking with each other so far. That at least comforts me. Having your partner stay by you through tough times is one of the best presents in this life.
May this year be a happier one than it's ever been for you, me and everyone else on earth.

Merry Christmas

This Christmas marks the second one Woan is spending in Heaven! We miss you so Woan. This Christmas, Shaw Feng, Kayrin and I trooped to Glad Tidings Church with ma and Wei. Very nice service as it didn't have too many performances. I hate those with dragged-on dramas.
After that, KE and Ivan joined us for the drive to Nilai Memorial Park to lay flowers for Woan, saying a prayer that she's now enjoying beautiful flowers up in Heaven. The skies broke not too long after, so we left and SF, Kayrin and I made our way to Kajang to Audrey's Christmas party.
For Chrismas, I gave SF a book and a key holder. And I got a D80 Nikon camera in return! Ooops.

Fear

Turn away
while I find the will
to accept what's come this day.
Will I
ever muster the strength
to hold my head high
and face the sun.
When, inside, all I want
is to hide.
Cuddled up
In the darkest corner
every drop
is just but one tear
washing away all my pride.
And hopefully, my fear.

A Poem

This was in an e-mail from the brainstem chat group. It's sad but comforting at the same time, especially as I miss Woan so this Christmas. Lyan reminded me yesterday, while laying flowers for Woan, that she's been gone almost a year and a half. But it's still very painful to be thinking of her leaving us.

This poem was written by a 13 year old boy who died of a brain tumor that he
had battled four years. He died on December 14, 1997. He gave this to his
mom before he died. His name was Ben.

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away,
We really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones,
You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other
as my Father said to do.
For I can't count the blessing
or love he has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas
and wipe away that tear

Remember,
I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

Boy Scout

Shaw Feng was so much into boy-scouting activities as a teenager (before I knew him) that by the time we met, I was more than half amused that he could be so excited about what he used to do, those knots, those camping days. What use are those experiences in life, I'd ask myself. Not going to fetch you the big bucks. No one hires you for your boy-scout badges, right?
Then we got married and set up home, and me, with my tenderfoot Girl Guide badge to show, could do nothing much for the house! I could climb up the stairs to clean the fans. But when they start giving that "kreng-kreng" noise when switched on, I pretend I don't hear them.
Yesterday, Shaw Feng fetched the ladder, and in about 45 mins, fixed all four ceiling fans on the first floor. Whoa, was I impressed. He only dropped once a wrench-like tool from about 9 feet up.
Then, wrapping up the show, he realized he couldn't find a missing part for that wrench-like tool. (OK, OK, I don't know my tools. I only know wrench because 4-year-old Kayrin pointed out what a wrench was.)
It was spinning on top of the bedroom fan. Quite safe, of course, stuck to the inner parts of the fan. He's still my hero for the day, for the weekend. I wouldn't have known right away which fan I left bits n pieces of tools in. Thank goodness for a boy scout. And oh, Shaw Feng has to tie all knots at home.

Thank Goodness for a Spouse

More a case of thank goodness for my spouse, actually! I write a bit about the environment, a bit more about my angst, even more about my wonderful four-year-old daughter. But with the other half, hmm, I hardly do. Not that he's insignificant. In fact, this is to say "thank you", albeit in a cheap way!
Kayrin came down with a cold on Monday evening, and by Tuesday morning, I was zombied out from a night of interrupted sleep. Shaw Feng nudged me that morning and said he'd take Kayrin to the doc that day. I couldn't have done anything that day except drag myself to work and try to stay awake with a pounding head. SF then proceeded to stay home with her. Well, he was the perpetrator of the cold, actually. I was pretty happy with myself for not nagging. Ooops, sorry, forgotten there that this entry ain't about thankin' my good old self. So, not-so-naggy me makes for happy family, and thank goodness for another parent. Two parents to a kid makes it a pain at times when we can't agree on how to feed a kid but at other times, it's the best place to be -- only your spouse will roll his eyes with you when your kid declares she's had enough of her parents and wants to move out.

Swimming...

lessons it is for Kayrin. She went to her trial class on Dec. 1. And that's after chickening out of her initial one a week earlier.
So we started the Saturday morning by tentatively mentioning swimming but not wanting to discuss too much about it. She was apprehensive when we got to the pool and told the administrator that, "I'm nervous."
But 5 minutes of looking around at kids in goggles and swimming attire and the inviting pool on a clear, beautiful day, she decided she wants to change into her swimsuit too. She looks so cute in her arena swimming cap! I know I'm biased but all little girls are so cute being so chubby in their swimwear. They are shaped like potatoes, with bulging tummies when in their gear. But oooohh, so cute are they that even Ms Hilton in her two-piece couldn't compete!
Bernard the swim instructor had Kayrin and Vishagan (a 4-year-old boy) walk around the submerged edge of the pool, got them to play with some water rockets, and got them to do some breathing exercises. I was more nervous than the kids, I think. And so 45 mins flew by. Kayrin was hesitant about leaving the pool. So we paid a deposit and promised to be back. It's 900 ringgit for 24 lessons. Very expensive, my thought when I first rang them a month ago. But now I think, how very worthwhile since I have not the patience to teach!

More Rallies?

There's a mail going around saying that there will be more street rallies in Kuala Lumpur in the month of December. That bothers me not. What is worrying is the action of the Royal Police force in mounting road blockades into the city days before the previous rally on Nov. 25. Days! And so from 6:30 a.m. onwards, traffic is at a crawl about 18 kilometers from the city centre. It's not as if anyone broadcasting publicly could even announce pompously, "Please take public transport." There's no option, really. In the nine years since the 1998 Commonwealth Games, when there was a flurry of activities to build the LRT, what have been put up since then? The monorail was revived. Note, revived after being delayed for years. So here we are, still driving one to a car into the city. Unless you are important enough to have a driver. Then it's you and your driver. Or if you're even more important, with some outriders.
Yesterday, at 7:30 p.m., with a drizzle following hours of rain, it was chock-a-block traffic along Jalan Tun Razak, coming into the city. I was heading out, and saw the blue beacon flashing away in the opposite direction. No sirens, to bigshot's credit. But one outrider was about 3 car-length ahead of the limousine, and he was pointing at a stationary Kancil, directing the car to move however many inches away to the side. And this was where four cars were abreast in a two-lane road. Don't get it? Come accompany me on my drive home from the majestic twin towers one evening. You pick the time, I'll drive. Better be one to enjoy my company or my kind of music (Norah Jones for now), cos two weeks ago, it was 50 minutes from the KLCC car park to the end of a less-than-1km-tunnel out of the carpark. Have a good weekend!

Sayings, Fuel, Police

Theirs is not to ask why, theirs is to do and die.

What a saying eh? This is how I feel at work somedays. Like today. When a higher ranking person wanted the first paragraph written a certain way. I said no. He said I can protest to my direct boss and the direct boss can deal with him. Arrogance at its peak? It was all very polite though. The higher-ranking person does respect my views but today he was stubborn, adamant. So was I. hahaha. So I did as he told me to but didn't proceed to publish the item. I went back to him and he budged when I showed how silly we'd all look (albeit done in a nice way) if we go with the first suggestion. So, then, I got my way. No chest-thumping victory. But sometimes we just have to find our way of getting things done without shouting. It's a good reminder to myself, because at home and outside the home, I do that a lot.
This morning, I raised my hand and "shouted" at the policemen at the roadblock by pressing on my car horn. They were causing congestion on the roads at 6:45 a.m. Trying to deter people from coming to work, I ask? No, to prevent subversive characters from coming into the city, before a rally this Sunday. What brilliance!
Remember, traffic congestion means time lost, gasoline and diesel being burned up for nothing. More fuel used means increased government petroleum subsidy. Now, tell me, who's forever nagging us on how Malaysia's paying a ballooning amount for fuel subsidies? Go figure.

Happy Birthday, Woan, Lyan!

Happy, happy birthday, Woan, Lyan. I'm sure that Woan is having an even more-fun celebration up in heaven! We miss you, Woan.

Yellow

If Myanmar went red,
in Malaysia we put on yellow
Not just for show
it is but one way to go
to see if they'd listen
and heed the call to reason.

Weekend Parenting

The weekend's just over. And it was another usual weekend for us. Staying at home. Doing our usual weekend shopping. Figuring what to eat for breakfast, which is relatively easy if you ask Kayrin. Roti canai, nothing more, nothing less. Nothing else.
But the weekend is also a `flamable' time. Lots of shouting, crying, temper tantrums and eventually, sulks.
Saturday mornings often start off mild enough. Just like the Saturday past. Kayrin and I sleep in a bit, till about 7:30 a.m. Having slept past her usual 6:30 a.m. wake-up time, she will miss out on her afternooon nap. And hence, when dinner time arrives, she's tired and cranky. Bath time turns into a time of bribes, threats, persuasion and raised voices. This sometimes carry on till bedtime. So that was how we ended Sunday. Yesterday, it was a cranky Kayrin not willing to fall asleep yet, a riled Shaw Feng shouting at her and an exasperated me trying to calm Kayrin down and tick Shaw Feng off.
All in, a wonderful weekend. No doubt about that. Weekend parenting is fun when we have a 4 1/2-year-old who told me that she ``and daddy have a secret'' cos they watched TV till late on Saturday night..they were bonding over sunflower seeds and some programme over the History channel, me thinks.

Michael Bublé - Everything

Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up

This is too wonderful. As good as Bette Midler's "Wind Benneath My Wings" from the 80s.

Wan Tan Mee

I've loved wan-tan-mee as far back as I could remember. I probably got hooked when I was about six, living in Baling. This was such a small town that there was no children playground or public library. It had a hospital, a cinema, 2 main streets, a post office, a police station, several schools, a Bank Rakyat branch, a wet market.
And the wan-tan-mee stall was along the lane leading to the wet market. The stall was on the right, while another stall that sells fried noodles, sar hor fun and was right across from it. We'd go to the wan-tan-mee stall for breakfast some weekends, and the sar hor fun one on evenings once in while as treats.
Wan tan mee those days in Kedah and Penang was of the tough, stringy yellow noodle-kind. So tough that I've almost choked many times when I've bitten more than I could chew. Yet I loved it. The challenge to eat the noodles gets me going. So in love was I with the noodles that I would save and save for a bowl. This was in Kuala Ketil, ah kong's place. There was a push-cart stall just across the road, in that little lane next to the dark-wood shop that sells all kinds of junk food for kids. The stall sells the perfect wan-tan mee, in the opinion of a scrawny six-year-old with limited exposure to culinary treats. So, there I was, saving every 10 sen ah kong and ah ma gave me for my own bowl of noodles. One time, after having saved 60 sen or 80 sen, I celebrated by asking Pa to order me a bowl. Pa left the money under a ceramic 'cockerel' bowl on the front table of ah kong's coffee shop. When the noodles arrived, we flipped the bowl to find the money gone. I was traumatised. That's how that memory stayed with me till now. Well, Pa forked out the money for that bowl of noodles. No longer remember how it tasted like but to me, wan tan mee from that Kuala Ketil pushcart stall will never be surpassed by any other!

Conversations

I often wonder what kids think. Of their parents, their surroundings. And having a kid at home that talks very well is so fun because I get a window into her thoughts! A snippet of the weekend's conversation with Kayrin:

Kayrin: Mommy, when I grow up I want to go and study in the U.S.
(pointing to the large world map on the wall).
Me: Ohh, OK. (praying for a strengthening of the ringgit).
Kayrin: I want to go to High School Musical 2.

*********************************************

Kayrin: Let's play a game, mommy.
Me: OK.
Kayrin: You be dead and I'll be Jesus.

Food Hankering

I'm thinking about Japanese food to satiate me, as I sit here, not yet done after more than 10 hours of working straight through without a break. Tonkatsu (pork deep-fried with batter) would be greatly appreciated now. The piece of tender pork is served with a large heap of shaved cabbage, and a thick, dark kind-of-sweet sauce. To eat the tonkatsu, pound the fragrantly-roasted sesame seeds and pour in the dark sauce. Then dip the tonkatsu in that sauce and bite into the succulent piece. Ummmmm. There's another vinegar-tasting clear dribble for the cabbage. The combination is awesome. And oh, there's a bowl of sticky rice to go with it all too. I always overeat when I get to that tonkatsu restaurant in Marunouchi Building, Tokyo.

Tokyo is now my most-visited foreign destination, and I'm starting to realize the potential this place holds. There are great shopping, even amidst the super-expensive Ginza. Uniqlo is my favourite. A big store of at least 4 stories, the selection of casual wear is amazingly cheap! The brand has been called the "Gap of Japan." At Uniqlo, sweaters were even cheaper than what we get here in Malaysia. And the range is amazing..I confess: I made three trips there over the five nights I spent in Tokyo in November 2006. I came home with two below-the-knee-length winter jackets for myself, two colourful sweaters for Shaw Feng, two knitted sweaters for I-haven't-decided-who, and a pair of cut-offs for myself. Who'd think Tokyo would make for great shopping eh?

Outrage

I said a prayer yesterday for the family of a man who lost his life when he was set upon by carjackers at a gasoline retail station. The poor man was just having his car filled up at 5:30 a.m. when three men bashed him up and drove off with his car. On the ground, bleeding, he activated his immobilizer. The car stalled within the station compound and the furious assailant broke a window, climbed out of the car and came to drag the victim back into the car before bludgeoning him.
To be sure, I am lucky enough not to have witnessed this horror but Wei seems traumatized enough after having to review the CCTV recording. The station was under her charge.
As in the senseless killing of lots of other people, including poor eight-year-old Nurin Jazlin, the question I want to ask is: Why isn't the government making this country a safer place than it was a decade ago, a generation ago?
And my other rant: those community radio services telling parents to NOT send their kids to pasar malam, shops and wherever on their own but to watch their kids closely. Sensible parents don't want to lose their kids. Please use the air space for something better. Pass the message to the leaders that kids want to play outside.
Does it occur to our esteemed leaders that perhaps they should make our country a place where we all can walk around without having to keep looking back, whether for bag-snatchers or carjackers or kidnappers?
I'm OUTRAGED.

Annie Lennox

I used to find Ms Lennox's androgynous dressing hard to accept when I first heard of her music and laid eyes on her in 1984. That was the year I had to take a school bus after the freedom of taking the public bus to school a year earlier. And the school bus driver, a rather young rougish uncle had fancied playing the Grammy award nominees' music day in day out. So there were..
1) Beat It by Michael Jackson (I didn't find it that inspirational)
2) Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics (Failed to get the message)
3) Uptown Girl by Billy Joel (Thought it was cute and has a snappy tune)
4) Karma Chameleon by Boy George (now, his cross dressing I find amusing and the song I loved singing to)
That's all I can recall for now. But now I find Ms. Lennox's voice spine-chilling sometimes and her songs great. Her rendition of `A Whiter Shade of Pale' is perfect in that she does it her way but what is simply haunting is `No More I Love Yous'. So here I am, Ms. Lennox, a fan after more than two decades of first hearing strains of your lilting voice.

Friendship

Friends come and go, according to the wise, old folks. I've had many of my friendships fizzle out. Sometimes due to my moving away, friends migrating and at times, by our growing apart. Through the years, I've always believed that women are better at forging friendships that last. But I realize it's a misconception that I have.


Shaw Feng's friendship with Heng Hou outlasts all of mine. They've known each other and stood by one another for a longer time compared with my relationship with Shaw Feng. And yes, Shaw Feng and I dated more than a decade before we got married.


It makes me ponder what friendships are about. I figure this is what it means:


Knowing who you can call when you're in a fix, even if you haven't had a chat or coffee to catch up in the past 12 months.


So here's a toast to the likes of Heng Hou, whose friendship has "spilled over", and is someone I know can call upon, for anything!