Go Figure!

Kayrin had read exactly those words, the title of a cheesy Disney film, when the words came on at the start. I was stunned! She left shortly after the movie started, to go upstairs with daddy. I stayed on and watched it, about a teenager wanting to be a world-class ice skater.
Back to reading. Kayrin has been reading for a few months now. She can differentiate between "on" and "no." Makes me so proud.
She's also wanting to learn the meaning of some words. Yesterday, it was "honeymoon," because daddy said those photos she was looking at were photos 0f mommy and daddy honeymooning at Pangkor Laut Resort.
Here's how the conversation went..
Kayrin: What's honeymoon?
Me: It's a period where people think they've found someone they love, and that it's a perfect world. It is, for a while. So that's why, when people say honeymoon period, it means people are happy and not hit by reality yet.
Kayrin: Is there any honey?

Blogs

Why do we so love reading blogs? Must be because it's like peering into someone's diary? That's how I feel when I trawl people's blogs for links to blogs they read.
It's like I'm trespassing on others' privacy, reading their thoughts. Then again, they put their jottings down on sites where the whole wide world, or anyone with an access to the Web, could read. I'm not prying then, right? Tell me what you think, if you happen to stumble onto this site!
I've left my jottings on the site of at at least one other person, to encourage her to continue her battle against lung cancer. There are a lot of brave souls out there and it's not so bad if I manage to find some and send them good karma their way, even if I'd only found out about them via their blogs.

Being Malaysian

I loathe to defend this country. This, after all, is the country that treats me like a second-class citizen. But when others start saying how another country is better compared with MY country (note the brilliant me, with a pun on my and MY), I'd like to come to this country's defense a little.
Malaysians aren't the most courteous lot. But when it comes to "guan xi" (relations), we win hands down.
Yesterday, I was buried in my book while attempting to take a train home. Not paying attention to the complicated Ampang-train-now-Sri-Petaling-next, I hopped on and some 20 minutes later, looked up to see I'm in Cempaka station. Wrong station, wrong line. That means I have to pay, get out, cross to the opposite side of the train and pay again to make my way back to right station.
Instead, the guard let me out without my swiping my ticket and the other guard let me in without my paying too. How's that for great service. or the Malaysian touch. I wouldn't want them on my payroll if I was an employer but it was good for me as a passenger, a Malaysian.

Mr. Bean

Kayrin loves Mr. Bean shows, cartoons and his movie, Mr. Bean's Holiday. And of course, his iconic mini minor too. Yesterday, she had this conversation with daddy..
Kayrin: Daddy, I want a mini minor.
SF: Where are you going to get the money?
Kayrin: Can you give me the money?

This is rather amusing for now, and puts a smile on SF's face. Wonder how he'll take it when this conversation is repeated 20 years down the road.
Poor little Kayrin is now recovering from gastroentritis, which brought with it fever of as high as 40 degrees Celsius.

Woan's Anniversary

Dear Woan,
It's been a year since we last spoke. A year since I massaged your feet as you lay in bed. A year since you called me "cher."
We miss you terribly and the pain of losing you has come flooding back lately but as Lyan reminds me that we will be with you again one day. That comforts me, and serves as a wake-up call that I should appreciate my loved ones here every day, because I won't be here forever either. It's love that lives on when we're gone.
Well, Woan, I'm sure you're happy up there in heaven, where things are beautiful. You're a smart girl, learning to play the piano on your own, living on your own all the way in Seremban and Terengganu. ;) I shall recall our memories together, when we were growing up in Baling, in Butterworth, and share them with Kayrin and Ivan. She loves to hear stories of when we were kids. I haven't been telling Ivan but I'll do that starting now. That's all for now, we'll talk again, Woan. I miss you so much.

Cher

Lost in Translation

Things about Kayrin, age 4 years and almost 5 months:
1) She loves playing with make-up, and so SaSa is a must-enter, so that she can dip her fingers in the samples of eye colours. That means mommy has to carry her as she's too short to reach those display of magical, shimmery powder!
2) She adores her cousin Ivan, and would want to hold Ivan's hand when they are out together.
3) She attracts mosquitoes like ants are to honey!
4) She translates into Cantonese whatever phrases she knows in English, for the benefit of her mah-mah and yeh-yeh. Yesterday, back from Bukit Jalil Park, she told yeh-yeh that she just went to the park that has "mao-mao fish."
Sure cracks Shaw Feng and I up! It's her translation for catfish.
5) She's learned the phrase "funky," to my amazement. Two days ago, when showing her the gym clothes that I'd bought, she described one as "funky." Floored me, thoroughly.

Money in the Box

Yesterday, I came home early, and being hungry (and down with a sore throat), went straight to the dining table to see what's for dinner. As soon as I took off the food cover, I got the message: I haven't left any money in the money-box.
I went to check and the box was bare.
For dinner, it was a plateful of sardines, a small portion of cabbage fried with leftover roast pork i'd bought, and half a plate of ladies' finger. By 10 pm, my stomach was growling after all that work cleaning the air-cond and mopping the room and bathroom floor. Couldn't touch the sardines so it was a dinner that's bound to make the health-conscious part of me very proud.

Secret Date

A month ago, to the day, Shaw Feng and I went out on a date. No kidding! Just him and me. Leaving Kayrin at home with her "mah mah", we both pretended to be heading to work. What a way to steal some time together. We had breakfast at our hangout of years, chue yoke fun (pork noodles) at Kuchai Lama, then decided we're going for our first movie together in four years! We picked Hannibal Rising at Mid-Valley. The movie was a disappointment but at 11 a.m. on April 13, a Friday, we had only 2 other couples in the cinema. One couple was an aunty and uncle who looked like they are in their 50s or more.
The weirdest part was when we wanted to look around and window shop, we both went our separate ways for a while. Habits of the past four years, of having to shop on our own as the other minds Kayrin. How very odd!
All in, it was a wonderful day. And when I was feeling guilty, Shaw Feng was sweet enough to remind me I dedicate my weekends to Kayrin.

An Aunty, for Real

I'm an aunty, no doubting that fact anymore. I figure I've arrived at auntyhood when today, at Tesco, I went in search of the handgloves that aunties wear when driving. This being a tropical-weathered country, we could do little to avoid the sun bearing down hard on us from 9 a.m. to 6.45 p.m. daily. I know very well about the sun beating down on my skin because I'd be driving home before 7 p.m. As I gleefully tell anyone who cares to listen (that goes from Shaw Feng nine times out of 10, to the Mercedes-Benz service advisor), I start work at 7 a.m., way before most people have climbed out of bed.
I digress. Anyway, back to hand gloves. I've thought them a good idea but never saw the need for them, even when Woan told me about them many years back. But lately, I've noticed my watch leaving a strip of my left wrist fairer than the other part. That's a bit worrying, considering I'm in the office 7 t0 5 these days. Coming to the conclusion that it's the sun while I'm driving, coupled with seeing my doctor walk into the clinic one day with these hand gloves, I became convinced I needed my pair. They are almost like long socks but with cut-off toes. With garters on both ends, they stand in place. Mine has frilly white ends. Let's see how long I keep up with slipping them on. The real aunty will persist, I'd think. All for the sake of not having pigmentation.

Call Me...Later

At work today and I rang SF and Kayrin, who'd gone out for the cheeky one's favourite breakfast, roti canai. Kayrin managed to describe which Petronas gasoline station they've just driven into! So amazing, as she told me that "it's the new one, the big one, far away from the house, near golf (club), where we go swimming."
About three-quarters of an hour after the conversation, I rang home to chat with SF and her again. This time, she asked, "Why do you call me again?", and told mommy she's on her Dell Inspiron computer, which daddy bought and had arrived yesterday.
"You can call me later," Kayrin stated firmly before promptly putting the phone back in its cradle!

Bagging It

Shaw Feng bought me my most expensive handbag -- a beautifully embroidered Ipa-nima creation. The best part was actually how he drove us all to Lot 10 to look for the bag, and then sneaked away to buy it after I refused to make the purchase.

This strikingly bright soft hobo first caught my eye many months back, when I was walking around in Isetan KLCC. But no thanks to my wanting to think it through, I missed the promotion as the bags were there for just a few weeks before heading back to the boutique in Lot 10. Shaw Feng was sent on a hunt for the bag when he went to Hanoi on April 16.

What a lovely Mother's Day present this is! Thanks Sweetie.

Hot Lips

A couple of weeks ago, Kayrin pulled out a photo of daddy from his PDA case. A smart mommy that I am, I asked the cheeky one who that is.
"It's your hot lips," she said, without batting an eyelid.
Thanks to an Arthur book on Valentine, Kayrin knows what hot lips mean, and will often declare that she doesn't love mommy's hot lips some days.

Clothes

This wasn't a good day to start with. Shaw Feng reminds me to think of the pay cheque when things get bad at work. I enjoy dressing up so I guess that's where this job comes in fine..a chance to dress up to come to KLCC. I recall the time when SF brought me to The Weld in 1994, before he left for Australia, and being terribly awed by how the ladies dress for work. Never seen those power dressing or the smart garbs among the 'factory' crowd in Butterworth, even though a few stood out. I shall learn to live in the present. Enjoy each day. I could be looking back, if I get so lucky, at this period and wondered why I had not savoured every moment.

But it is so hard some days.
On moments like this
I just want to stay for a while
With no goodbyes to say.
And yet have the strength to walk away
with a wave and a smile.
And nary a care for
what lies beyond today.

Someone Knows

Some days, the grind of working is what it's described as -- a real slaving away with nothing much to achieve. Some days it feels like there's nothing to look forward to except for that pay day, which comes pretty early here, by the 22nd or the 24th most months.
On days like this, I think, why buy more clothes, why want a new home, why get a more expensive car. Why increase my liabilities and be tied to this job, this ingratiating place, the irritating boss.
And I get through days like this thinking about the money that comes in at the end of the day. Hence it irks me if anyone thinks that money comes falling out of the sky for me. I work hard for the money. I take on lots of nonsense before I get to enjoy what I earn. How dare anyone suggest money comes easy to me. Well, today, this aptly came on the Daily Bible Verse site. How coincidental is that? God knows! ;)

You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth.
Deuteronomy 8:17-18a.

I hand it all to God then. He knows and He has a plan. Just as He has a plan for Woan, whom I miss terribly these days.

Too Much Information

..can be dangerous.
Kayrin yesterday went into the operating theatre for the first time, with a pebble up her left nostril. A yellow one, about the size of those giant-sized kidney beans.
I just broke down when the anaesthetist knocked her out with general anaesthesia. She was so trusting, breathing into the mouthpiece as told by the nurse, garbed in her little green gown. She wanted to know why she's in green while the rest of us were in blue. Her curiosity amused everyone. Must be her curiosity too that got her to stuff that pebble up her nostril.
It all began at about 12:30 p.m. for me. For Shaw Feng, it started earlier. They were already in Sunway Hospital, with ENT specialist, Dr. Koay Cheng Boon, being summoned there.
Dr. Koay couldn't remove the pebble after a few tries, and decided that Kayrin needed GA to be able to have the offending object taken out. That started our wait for the procedure to take place at 4 p.m., about six hours after her breakfast in order for her to digest her roti canai.
It was a wonder to see her open her eyes after the surgery, and to immediately thank and wave away the anaesthetist, Dr. Tan. The cheeky girl, upon being wheeled back into Room 510, pronounced herself famished and asked for food. She sat on bed munching Jacob's cream crackers, keeping it all to herself, then moved over to the sofa to be with daddy. While eating, she asked, "Where are we going next?".

And my explanation of why this happened is, it began on Saturday, March 24. Kayrin woke up sniffling so we immediately shepherded her to her paediatrician's, where Kayrin insisted on no jab and no nose drop. Dr. Wong, ever patient, took out a diagram of the nose, mouth and ears, explaining that there are holes in the nose for the medicine to go in.
This, I think, prompted the little girl to want to `explore' her nose! After all, she's been playing with pebbles for months and months, since we had the fish pond installed in the little garden patch last year. Well, a little knowledge could be dangerous.

Thank God we could say that Kayrin recovered well. Though Shaw Feng figures he's now got a bit of a cold, something he caught when trying to suck out the pebble from Kayrin's nose.

Flab

I've banished all talk of confidence, especially after making my way to the gym yesterday and finding bulges all over when squeezing myself into a pair of exercise pants I had bought not long after having Kayrin.
I wish I could snap a picture and paste it next to one of the three computer screens I stare at 10 hours a day. That'd be a sure-fire way to stop me munching in times of dealing with bosses and conference calls.
Or I could be fired for indecent exposure.

Ironic

Being in the 30's can be quite fun most days. Being in my 30's means I have garnered the confidence to wear what I like, made enough money to allow some frivolous shopping and at the same time, realized that some `wants' can easily fade from my memory once the bags, shoes or clothes I deemed necessary are out of sight.
I've also turned milder, less inclined to want to fight for everything but taking it more seriously that I recycle, save water, keep the air clean. Because I'm leaving this world for people I love, including my darling Kayrin.
But wait. I've now also garnered enough insight into people and seen enough
to be paranoid over young giggly girls fawning all over, mmm, who else, the other half.
It gets pretty irritating because I know what it's like, having been there. Young ladies love having men pay them attention, even if the remarks are laced with sarcasm and sweet criticisms.
How can it be that a confident lady in her 30's go through such insecurities, I ask! Maddening, indeed.
May be it's because at 30's and beyond, no one hardly gives the ladies in this age category a second look. Men, on the other hand, garner more side glances when they're in their prime, the 30's.
For all the confidence I declare I have, may be I'm less sure about myself than I was in my 20's. How ironic.
No, that can't be! That isn't me. I will not let it go that way. With Kayrin and Shaw Feng, I'll celebrate life every day.

Show-House Tour

We spent Sunday morning checking out show houses in Bukit Jelutong and Denai Alam. Not truly a house-hunting trip. Kayrin loves looking at model homes, the kind encased in plastic and placed atop a table, with the roof peeled off. She simply likes staring at them. May be because they are toy-like?
For me, this trip was to exorcise the need to `upgrade' to a bigger home. As Shaw Feng pointed out, it's just the three of us + a maid, so not much of a need for a huge home. That, of course, brings me to the current need: To clean up the house and unpack the last of three boxes from our move from Singapore in March 2005! Well, guess if we aren't moving to a bigger house, we need to make space within our current one. That means I have to clear my wardrobe of lots of clothes too.
At least the current home is `mine, not yours or yours,' as Kayrin would loudly declare. It doesn't belong to any bank, for that I'm happy to say.

Missing You, Woan

Dear Woan,
We still miss you a lot. Some days, the pain of not having you around is less but some days, like yesterday and the day before, when we placed flowers at Nilai, it hits us really bad that you're not around with us. But it's OK, Woan, we know you're in a better place, a happier place, a more beautiful one. A place we all want to be in one day. We miss you so.

4-Going-on-10

The little girl pirouettes after class. This was the first week of January, 2007. Since then, she has refused to don her kindy uniform or be brought close to the kindy across the home.

Above: Kayrin flying kite at the playground in Bandar Kinrara.